It's important to learn how to spot a liar because they usually ruin relationships and cause conflict. Lying can have lots of negative effects on people's lives, and it's always best to avoid it when possible. Spotting a liar starts with understanding why they do it, so you can look out for specific signs and situations they may need to lie in. As long as you keep all of the tips we've mentioned below in mind, you should be able to spot a liar with ease.
What a Liar Is
A liar is someone who doesn't tell the truth or bends the truth. It's when someone says dishonest things. There are two types of liars, a compulsive liar and a pathological liar. A compulsive liar tends to lie a little bit about everything. They can't help it; they need to lie and do it mostly out of habit. However, a pathological liar lies in a more malicious way, with intention and purpose.
Why People Lie
To be able to spot a liar, first, you'll need to understand why they lie.
1. To avoid conflict.
Many people do their best to avoid conflict because they don't enjoy arguing and going back and forth with no solution. It's easier for them to lie about their mistakes than to put energy into an argument.
2. To hide something.
99% of the time, if someone lies to you, it's not just because they enjoy lying. There's a reason behind it. Typically that reason is that they're trying to hide something from you. It could be something they did wrong or think could affect you negatively, so they want to hide it from you.
3. Out of habit.
Although this isn't as common, there are some people that simply lie out of habit. They don't mean to, but they can't avoid doing it because they are so used to lying.
4. To protect others.
Sometimes, someone will lie to you with good intentions, although that's hard to understand. They will lie because they are trying to protect others or you from hurting your feelings.
5. To avoid dealing with consequences.
Pretty much everyone knows that lying can come with serious consequences if you get caught. If you lie at your job or to your boss, it could likely lead to you being fired. If you lie to someone you love or in your relationship, it could likely lead to you breaking up.
There are also things that happen after you are caught lying, like having a conversation about it, perhaps fighting about the reason you lied, and ultimately, things are not quite the same.
How to Spot a Liar
These are the most common signs you'll notice from a liar when they are lying.
They avoid talking to you.
When someone lies to you, they want to avoid you in general, especially talking to you. The less they're around you, the easier it will be for them to get away with the lie, and the less guilt they will feel. Not everyone feels guilty when they lie, but if the person lying to you is someone who experiences this, they will definitely be avoiding you, so they don't feel bad about it. They will especially avoid talking to you because they know they could slip up and accidentally reveal that they are lying to you.
No eye contact.
Making eye contact with you could make them nervous or anxious, causing them to reveal themselves and whatever they're lying to you about. Although they think they're doing something that will benefit them, and help them continue to get away with the lie, really, they're just giving themselves away by doing this.
Defensiveness.
It's very typical for someone lying to you to get defensive easily. They want to protect themselves and what they're lying about from being discovered. If they tend to be defensive about most things, it may be harder to spot, but look out for this in combination with other signs, and you'll know for sure if it has to do with them lying.
They talk too much.
Whoever is lying to you will most likely talk too much when they're chatting with you. They'll try to overcompensate, and instead of playing it cool and getting away with their lie, they will talk so much that you notice something is definitely going on, and suspicions will arise.
Indirect answers.
This is a major sign someone is lying to you. When someone gives you indirect answers, they're trying to lie to you without actually lying to you, but this still counts as lying because they are deceiving you. This is something you should carefully look out for, especially in people that you know are usually honest and have a hard time keeping things from you. This will likely be the way they choose to attempt to lie to you, to not feel so bad about it.
They are inconsistent.
If things aren't adding up and they say one thing one day and another the next, it's pretty clear they are lying to you. Whenever you're in doubt about someone being honest with you or not, check for inconsistencies in what they tell you and in what they do.
Their inconsistencies will give them away very easily. You may also notice that they accidentally shake their head when they're trying to vocally confirm something instead of nodding, indicating that they're not telling the truth and their natural body movements are giving them away.
Distance you from others.
There is a chance that the person lying to you will try to distance you from those who know the truth. This is because those people know what's actually going on, and they may ruin the liar's lie by accidentally saying something they shouldn't or by trying to tell you the truth. The person lying to you may even make up more lies in order to distance you from whoever they want, so be careful.
Check their body language.
You may notice that their body language doesn't add up with what they're saying. For example, if they're saying something positive, they will likely have relaxed body language, and their hands will move naturally with the conversation because most people talk with their hands, especially when they are speaking the truth and what they say just flows.
However, if they're lying to you, you may notice that they have their arms crossed and they're very stiff, which doesn't make sense if they're speaking about something positive.
They can't retell their story.
Unless they have a spectacular memory or really good liars, they won't be able to tell their story twice perfectly. If you want to catch them lying, pretend you weren't doing a good job at listening and ask them to repeat themselves. You'll be able to spot the lies in their story easily.
Listen to your gut.
When all else fails, and even before then if possible, listen to your gut. Frequently you'll get a feeling or a sense that something is off, wrong, different, or not adding up. If you're not sure you should be jumping to conclusions, also check for the other signs mentioned above.
How Lying Can Affect a Relationship
Lying has many negative effects on any kind of relationship, whether romantic, professional, or friendly. Once you've discovered you're being lied to; it's difficult to go back. These are some of the main ways lying can affect a relationship.
- Loss of trust. Losing someone's trust, no matter what relation they have to you, is never good. Not only because you lose any opportunity you may have had with them, but because you also put them through emotional distress when you lie to them.
- Insecurity. Because you've lost your trust in them, you may be facing new insecurities with them. It doesn't matter if you have high self-esteem and confidence, because they disrespected you in this way, there will likely always be insecurities present.
- Breaking up. If your partner has lied to you, it may cause you to break up. Some couples are able to work through these situations, but usually, it doesn't play out well, or if you don't break up now, you'll likely end up breaking up later. It could be because they lied to you again or because you thought you were able to put those incidents behind you, and you really couldn't.
It's always best to surround yourself with honest people who don't need to lie in order to get what they want. As soon as you realize someone is lying to you, do your best to distance yourself from them a little bit to avoid being in the crossfire of their lies or being lied to. By paying close attention to all of the signs mentioned above, you'll be able to easily spot a liar and avoid bad situations.
No comments yet, leave yours!