What's an Attention Seeker?
An attention seeker is someone who needs to have attention at all times when surrounded by other people. They're not good at being alone and crave attention more than anyone. If they spend too much time alone, you may notice that they have attention-seeking tendencies on social media as well, posting things that others aren't posting.
Why People Seek Attention
There are many reasons why someone could be an attention seeker, like:
- To feel incorporated.
- To feel valuable.
- To feel wanted.
- To feel more confident.
- As a result of past trauma.
- Due to jealousy.
Am I an Attention-Seeking Person?
Below, you'll find some of the most common signs of an attention seeking person, and you'll be able to determine if you are an attention seeker.
You constantly raise your voice.
You may not realize that you're doing this, but you talk at a loud volume very frequently. Whether you're aware that you do this or not, it's because you want everyone to listen to what you have to say. You have the need to be heard by everyone that is around you because you think that what you have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say.
You join in on conversations you weren't invited to.
If you notice other people having a conversation, you automatically think it concerns you too, and you feel the need to join in. You should be careful with this attention-seeking trait because not all conversations are meant to be heard by everyone, and you could involve yourself in a problem or create a problem.
You dress to impress.
You always have to be the most fashionable wherever you go. Your outfits are very original and will definitely have people's heads turning. You love getting asked where your clothes are from and making it known that your outfits will always be on point.
You can know you're an attention seeker for sure if it bothers you when no one compliments your clothing or accessories and if they don't care where any of your pieces are from.
You tell lies to seem more interesting.
You have a way of exaggerating everything that you say, or that has happened to you because when you do this, it makes you seem more interesting. This captivates people's attention or makes them feel sorry for you, influencing them to spend more time with you and therefore give you more of their attention. Be careful because this could come back to bite you if you get caught, and everyone's attention will no longer be on you.
You start drama.
If there is no drama going on, no one is asking you for more details or trying to get your side of the story, so naturally you feel the need to start the drama if there isn't any. Attention seekers want to feel like they have all of the good gossips, and they don't mind getting caught in the middle of it because that means they're getting attention.
You always want to be the center of attention.
An attention seeker doesn't just want to be the center of attention at a party or when they're with their friends. They always want to be the center of attention. If they can't be the center of attention in person because there's no social activity going on, they're going to find another way to accomplish their goal.
You may notice them posting on social media, for example. They'll likely post something scandalous or out of the ordinary because they want people to reply and start a conversation to make them feel seen.
You feel jealous if someone isn't listening to you.
Let's say you're at a party with a group of people, and they're all listening to someone else share something that is happening in their life. This instantly makes you feel jealous, and you can't wait for the minute the other person stops talking so you can jump in with what you think is more interesting, so everyone's attention will be on you.
You might even be bold enough to interrupt them and find a way to redirect the conversation, so the attention is on you instead.
You make your problems other people's problems.
If you have some kind of issue going on, you will inevitably make it someone else's problem. You may not realize that you're doing this, but you quickly find a way to suck someone else into your issues and get them involved.
You complain a lot.
Nothing is ever good enough for you, and you spend a lot of time complaining. You do this because you've realized that when you complain, people listen. They either care about what you're saying so they can avoid whatever you're complaining about, or they wish you would shut up.
It's not the best way to seek attention, but it could work if you're with the right crowd or complain about the right things.
You don't come off as genuine.
Attention seekers do not come off as genuine one bit. It's easy to assume that they're giving you an embellished version of the story simply to seem more interesting so they can have more of your attention.
You're always fishing for compliments.
You like receiving praise because it signifies people paying attention to you. However, you don't just appreciate when someone compliments you, and you need them to compliment you, always. It disappoints you if no one has anything good to say about you. Although if they're talking about you, even if it's negative, you don't mind because they're still talking about you.
How to Deal With an Attention Seeker
If you have an attention seeker in your life, you know it can be annoying to spend time with them, especially when you just want to spend time with them and not with other people. An attention seeker often needs attention from a group of people and not just one friend, so even when they're hanging out with only one person, they're trying to get attention from others. This makes it difficult to feel like the attention seeking person is listening.
Give them attention when they're not seeking it.
When an attention seeker is just acting normally, that's when you really want to give them attention. This is because, over time, they will realize that they don't need to be desperate and start with their attention seeking behaviors to get your attention, they just need to be themselves and be genuine for you to be happy to listen to them.
It might take some time, but it should eventually create a healthier habit because they will know that they don't need to do anything crazy to get your attention. You'll make them feel wanted and valued by doing this, which is often why they become attention seekers in the first place.
Talk to them about the issue.
Confronting an attention seeker can be difficult because they usually think they're right and have a hard time accepting that they might have a flaw, but it's necessary. Don't confront them in front of other people or with someone else, try to make it a natural conversation that doesn't put any pressure on them, and simply makes them aware of how they're acting.
If you catch them early on, they might not have it as a common behavior, and they could dial it down a bit before it becomes an issue.
Ignore them.
Although it can be difficult, it's important to ignore them when they're being too intense and taking their attention seeking to an extreme. It's beneficial to ignore them because if they don't get what they want and they notice that being an attention seeker isn't getting them any extra attention, they might stop.
The things an attention seeker does to gain attention can be incredibly annoying, especially if the behaviors are coming from your partner and it's something you deal with frequently. This can be a great way to get them to tone it down a bit.
Is It Bad to Be an Attention Seeker?
It can be considered a flaw by many. When you're with a friend, they can feel as if you don't care about them or what they have to say because they want to do all the talking and because they're not content with the attention they're receiving just from you. It can also be bad if you seek female attention while in a relationship.
However, if you're seeking attention because you're dealing with past trauma that has left you feeling worthless and unheard, it's not a bad thing, but it is something you should try to keep under control, so people don't think you're annoying.
In conclusion, being an attention seeker can cause you to lose friends because they can tell you're not being genuine, and that can cause them to have difficulties trusting you and truly becoming your friend. If you're not the attention seeker, and you're putting up with one, remember to give them attention when they're looking for it the least, and ignore them when they're trying too hard to get your attention.
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