Rejection happens to everyone, not only when dating but in life. You may have been rejected when you were applying to college or rejected by a job. It never feels good to be rejected, but it's unavoidable, especially when meeting new people and looking to date. It could happen through text, on a chat line, or in person, and it's important to know how to handle rejection, so you take it well whichever way it happens.
Why Does Rejection Hurt?
In order to learn how to handle rejection, it can be helpful to understand why rejection hurts in the first place.
- You're taking it personally. It's hard not to take it personally, but the truth is that it's not always about you. Someone might have turned you down because they weren't ready to date, which has nothing to do with you. The best thing you can do is not think the worst and definitely not assume that you're the problem because you may not be.
- It was unexpected. Rejection could hurt, especially if it was unexpected. You might have felt like things were going really well, and maybe you were ready to take the next step in developing your connection, such as starting a relationship, and suddenly, you're rejected. It's nearly impossible not to be hurt by that, but you need to learn how to work through it.
- You were really into the person. When you're really into someone, it can really hurt to be rejected by them, especially if you don't usually develop feelings for someone else that quickly. There's nothing worse than having really strong feelings for someone and them not wanting to be with you for whatever reason.
How to Handle Rejection
1: Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Whatever you feel, whether it's frustration or sadness because you've been rejected, it's completely valid. It's important that you make room for your feelings and don't continuously avoid them because you'll have to feel them eventually. It's better to get it over with, however, don't try to rush it either; just go with the flow.
2: Accept that you have been rejected.
Acceptance is a very important step when figuring out how to handle rejection. You need to accept that you have been rejected in order to get over the rejection. Take your time to process it, and you'll be able to accept the rejection more easily.
3: Don't seek revenge.
Due to the frustration, the rejection may have caused you feel, and your first instinct might be to seek revenge and try to get back at the person who rejected you. This is a very immature thing to do, and it doesn't benefit you or the person who rejected you. You can't get over the rejection if you're trying to be vengeful.
4: Talk to the person who rejected you.
Sometimes, the most helpful thing to do to get over being rejected is to talk to the person who rejected you. Understanding why they rejected you can help a lot. Remember, if you choose to talk to the person who rejected you about why they did it, you need to be respectful and keep your cool while talking to them.
5: Surround yourself with friends.
Surrounding yourself with friends will help distract you and keep your mind off the bad experience of being rejected. It can be healing to talk to someone who knows you well and who can give you good advice. Sometimes friends are wiser than we think and can provide helpful insight thanks to their past experiences with rejection.
6: Don't be rude.
Don't be rude to the person who rejected you. You don't necessarily need to be extremely nice or hide how you feel about the rejection, but you don't need to be rude to them either.
7: Distance yourself from this person.
If you think having some space and distancing yourself from the person who rejected you is the best thing to do, go for it. Maybe they rejected you romantically, but they're still interested in being your friend; however, you're not quite ready for that because you still feel hurt by their rejection. In this case, distancing yourself from them will allow you to get over the rejection more smoothly.
8: Don't let it stop you from trying again.
Don't let this bad experience stop you from shooting your shot with someone else or pursuing people romantically. Not everyone is going to reject you. The right person will be interested in you and won't reject you.
9: Don't take it personally.
Don't take the rejection personally. Sure, it might seem like you're the problem because they rejected you, but there could be many reasons why they're rejecting you that aren't really your fault. They might not be ready to be in a relationship because they may have recently ended another relationship or they're focusing on themselves.
Maybe they will be moving soon or experiencing another important life change so they're not looking to start something with someone. So remember not to take it personally because there are many external factors that have nothing to do with you that may have led to the rejection.
10: Distract yourself with something else.
When you're going through something difficult, like dealing with a rejection, one of the best things you can do is to find distractions. Don't let your mind continue to wonder why they rejected you and get stuck on the topic, instead distract yourself.
11: Don't rule out friendship.
It can be hard to switch gears and choose friendship after being rejected. It can even take some time for this to happen, however, you shouldn't completely rule out friendship. When the time is right, it's something you should try to be open to exploring. After all, if you liked this person enough to want to develop something romantically with them, they would likely be a good friend.
12: Learn from it.
Learn from the rejection, don't just let it be something that happened. Figure out what you thought was okay about it and what you didn't, so in the future, if you ever reject someone, you can be considerate about the rejection. Also, learn from it by allowing rejection to help you learn about yourself.
Maybe they rejected you not because of an external factor but because they really didn't like something you did. This doesn't mean you need to take it personally, necessarily, but you're not perfect either so it's good to make personal improvements when possible too.
How Can Rejection Affect You?
Rejection can affect you in many ways. It can be difficult to deal with the emotional stress it causes, but it's important to know how it can affect you so that you're able to handle it better.
Cause stress
Rejection causes a lot of stress because it can make you have negative thoughts about yourself or the situation you're going through, figuring out how to deal with the rejection. The stress the rejection causes can also impact other parts of your life. Stress can also impact your health and make you feel ill, even if it's simply stress from experiencing a rejection.
Fall into depression
What starts as a stressful situation can lead to depression as well. When you're rejected by someone you are really interested in, it can make you feel really sad, and if you don't know how to handle the rejection, it's even easier to fall into sadness.
Although having a processing period after rejection can make you feel down, learning how to handle rejection will help you avoid getting sad.
Make you closed off
Rejection can make you closed off to new opportunities with new people because it can be hard to open your heart back up to someone else after being rejected. This is often something you may do when you feel the need to protect yourself from getting hurt again.
It's understandable if you're experiencing this after-effect of rejection soon after it happened, but it's not something that should last a long time because, eventually, you need to put yourself back out there.
Wrapping it up
Sometimes rejection can be a blessing in disguise. It's not always a terrible thing, even if it feels like that at the moment you're experiencing it. Understanding all the layers of rejection can be beneficial when learning how to handle it. It's important to understand why you're being rejected if you want to start processing it so that you can later figure out how to handle the rejection.
Remember, it's also beneficial to understand how rejection can affect you so you know what to expect, and perhaps you can avoid some of the bad feelings that can come with rejection. Some of the best things you can do to handle rejection are to do your best not to take it personally, to distract yourself with someone new or with your friends, and not to seek revenge.
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