How to Stop Talking About Yourself

In a group of people, does it often seem like you are the only one talking? Do you tend to take the spotlight whenever it is possible? Do you feel as though you don't know your friends as much as you should?

There's a significant chance that you may need to learn how to stop talking about yourself. Perhaps you are filling up everyone else's time with your own thoughts and stories instead of listening to others as much as you ought to.

There are many ways to learn how to participate in active listening and learning when to take a step back and allow others to share a moment of the conversation.

Why You Should Stop Talking About Yourself

There are plenty of reasons why you may want to learn how to tone it down a bit. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but life is all about becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.

Losing connections.

When you fill the space of a conversation with your thoughts, stories, and feelings, it tends to overshadow what anyone else has to say. A lot of people tend to pull back from these types of people because they may become offended or frustrated. Oftentimes, you will end up losing people in your life who don't want to be constant listeners. And as more people learn of your behaviors in social interactions, they will steer away from you, leaving you with even fewer potential connections.

Being selfish.

If you are working on bettering yourself as a person, learning to listen is essential. Constantly talking about yourself is a selfish act, since you don't allow enough room for others. Selfish tendencies can manifest and grow into other selfish acts as well, and you want to avoid those if you want to be the best version of yourself.

Hurting others' feelings.

Some people may just want to talk to you when they are down or to tell you about their day. And if they feel like they are being silenced by your own words, it may deeply hurt them. You may face a lot of hurt feelings in your life due to your lack of listening skills. Not only is it a bad thing to have on your conscience, but you are also negatively impacting these people's lives when you could be helping them.

Appearing unprofessional.

If you talk over everyone in your workplace, especially those above you, it will impact your reputation in an incredibly negative way. In the professional world, you need to be able to listen to others' opinions and critiques. This is in order to become a better worker and a better person as well. You could miss opportunities in the workplace or even a school setting because the people above you learn of your unprofessional habits and tendencies when talking to others.

How to Stop Talking About Yourself

1. Ask questions.

When you take a moment to come up with questions that will result in answers that consist of more than "yes" or "no", you are engaging in a healthy conversation. This will show the person on the other side that you are interested in what they have to say. It will also prevent you from taking over and talking about your own opinion or stories.

2. Learn active listening.

You may believe that you are good at listening, but you are probably just hearing their words without processing what is being said. Active listening requires an understanding of what someone is saying, along with engaging, even if you aren't using your words. Instead of just saying "yeah" and "right" after every point someone makes, try to put yourself into the conversation and focus on their points.

3. Pause before filling in.

You don't have to start talking the exact moment that someone else stops. Allow a second for other people to fill in, or even for the same person to keep talking. Of course, you don't have to do this every time, but it is a good thing to practice when you want to talk about yourself less.

4. Focus on what you're listening to, rather than what you'll say next.

If you are spending enough time listening, the conversation will fly by without the anxiety you may feel every time you talk to someone. You don't have to focus on saying the next best thing, or sounding smarter than the person speaking before you. Instead, you can relax and relish in the moment.

5. Keep the point of the conversation in mind.

Not every conversation has a purpose of being about you. If someone asks you a question, make sure you actually answer it instead of trailing off on a five-minute story about something that relates. Keep the purpose of any conversation in the back of your mind any time you are responding. This way, you can hold onto a goal, instead of bursting out a random topic that never fit the conversation in the first place.

6. Practice cooperation.

Rather than competing with the person you are conversing with, focus on teamwork. It should be a casual tennis match, not an Olympic game with high stakes. If you can find a healthy balance where you and your talking partner have a somewhat equal amount of talking time, you will find the conversation to flow better. This may provide less awkward tension, and your partner may grow to respect and appreciate you more. This may also stop it from being the last conversation you have with that person.

7. Consider journaling/therapeutic practices.

No matter what, if you have a lot to say and not a lot of people to talk to, you need a source to get those thoughts out into the world. You may want to consider taking up journaling so that you can vent endlessly to something that will just listen. If you are looking for a person to talk to who may provide insightful advice, you could try finding a therapist that suits you and your needs. Another tip if you're looking for someone to talk to you can try the chat lines listed on our site.

Benefits of Talking Less About Yourself

You become more of a mystery.

Talking less is not a very common feat to conquer. You will be seen as different from the rest and become praised for your ability to listen and be thoughtful. This will prove that there is more to learn about you, which will get people interested. This way, instead of talking over people with your stories, they will start to ask you about your stories and become active listeners for you.

Relationships can become deeper.

Once you both learn how to participate in active listening, you enable yourselves to learn more about each other. This way, you can dive deeper into the relationship and take the time to understand each other. Listening takes a level of patience, which can be incorporated into any relationship to provide a healthier setting to talk.

What you have to say carries weight.

Instead of everyone rolling their eyes when you start to talk because they assume you'll never stop, they have begun to pause and take in what you have to say. When your words become rarer, people notice. And if you spend less time filling the silence, it will draw others to you. Those who talk less also appear smarter to their peers since they don't seem to have to compensate for anything.

You will learn more about others.

Those who listen are some of the wisest people to exist. The more you listen, the more you learn. Not just about others, but about yourself as well. It gives you more time to understand perspectives and create individual thoughts. And knowing the people around you can become quite a powerful thing. You may become a go-to person that a lot of people depend on and appreciate. Also, those people may be able to return the favor much more often due to their amicable feelings towards you.

Final Takeaway

In any setting, people have a desire to be heard. You deserve to be listened to, but so do other people. Learning to listen is also learning to put other perspectives into practice as you focus on being patient with others and understanding the things they have to say.

It isn't always easy to realize that you need to make a change, especially when you learn that you may be more selfish than you'd like to be. But accepting that change is needed is the first step to becoming that better person.

What's important is learning how to be an active listener while also speaking your own part if necessary. There is always a balance to things, and it is essential to find a safe spot on the balance beam to create mutually healthy conversations. You will hopefully grow to learn that what you have to say grows more value, and you are seen as a more sophisticated and intelligent person.