39 Questions to Get to Know Your Partner Better

Often, we are with someone for several months or years and realize that we don't really know them as much as we thought. Although you've been together for a long time, you don't know everything about them or their past that may reflect who they are today.

Getting to know your partner better is a huge advantage because if at some point in the relationship, you find yourselves asking each other any of the questions below, you'll be able to have an idea of what their answer might be.

1. Have you ever cheated on a partner?

This question will allow you to find out if your current partner has ever cheated in their past relationships, and it may lead you to ask what he did about it. Were they honest about their mistakes, and did they try to fix things in their current relationship, or did they abandon the relationship after the incident?

2. How many partners have you had?

By knowing how many people your partner has dated, you'll know if they tend to casually date more often, or if they tend to have more serious long-term relationships. This will let you know if they are mature when it comes to relationships and if they're looking to settle down and have an overall more solid relationship.

3. What have been the main reasons for your breakups?

Knowing the main reasons your partner's relationships failed will help you get a clear picture of the situation. You'll be able to find out if they were the victim or the one at fault for the breakups. It could be important to ask how old they were because it could have been a maturity problem. By knowing when it happened, you can also analyze if there was anything else going on in their lives that could have caused them to be in a negative headspace.

4. Are you still in touch with your childhood friends?

Knowing if someone is still in touch with their childhood friends is important because it lets you know if this person is someone who can maintain relationships even if, at some point, it's not as easy to see each other due to distance or other things that may come up in life. Some people drift away easily, but if they're still in touch with their childhood friends, you can be certain they will stick around for a long time.

5. How many dates before making it official?

This is good to ask, so you know what they consider a good amount of time to get to know someone before taking the next step. If you haven't made it official yet, you could use this question to initiate the conversation about making it official or just to have an idea of when it could happen based on the number of dates you have been on.

6. What is your favorite thing about me?

It's good to ask this question because it requires your partner to think about what they're going to say so they can have a genuine answer. It will make you feel good to hear what he has to say, and he'll realize how much he likes you as he provides an answer to your question.

7. Do you see us together 20 years from now?

This could be scary to ask, especially if you're unsure what his answer will be. However, if he doesn't see a future with you, it could be better to know now if what you're looking for isn't something short-term. Although it may be difficult to process if his answer is 'no', it's for the best, so you can stop investing your time and attention into a relationship that isn't going to last.

8. What are your thoughts on religion?

This is important to know, especially if you want to have a future with them involving marriage and children. This could affect the marriage, and how you raise your children, so you want to make sure to talk about this early on when you are dating someone. If they're too strict in their religion and you're not religious, this may not be the right relationship for you.

Remember, no matter what both of your beliefs may be, mutual respect is important.

9. Have you ever questioned any relationship with friends?

This will let you know if they've ever had any doubts about certain relationships with their friends and what they did about it, and it will also let you know if they questioned the relationship with friends in a way where they wondered if they could be more than friends with them.

It's good to know this, so you know where your partner and that person stand now and so you can look out for any signs that indicate there's something still going on that is being kept from you.

10. What's your zodiac sign?

If you're into astrology, this will tell you lots of things about your partner. It can tell you if you are compatible or simply help you get to know more about your partner's personality. It can also be a good way to help you remember their birthday if you tend to forget.

11. Do you believe in karma?

Knowing if they believe in karma or not is a good way to understand more about how they think. If they don't believe in karma, they might be someone who doesn't care about consequences and thinks that even if they make a mistake and don't resolve it, everything will continue the way it is.

However, if they do believe in karma, they are likely someone who is always trying to fix and make up for any mistakes they made, and they try to put positive energy out into the world, so they also receive it. Because of this, someone who believes in karma may be more positive than someone who doesn't.

12. Do you believe in marriage?

This is an important question because their answer may be very different from yours. If you are someone who doesn't believe in marriage or doesn't want to get married, and they are someone who does, you will be faced with the decision to compromise and consider marriage if it means getting to be with them, or end the relationship because you want different things, and vice versa. In the best scenario, you both believe in marriage and are interested in the prospective idea.

13. Would you want to have children?

Similar to the question above, it's important to know if your partner wants to have kids or not. This will greatly influence your life, so it's something you should talk about. If you want different things, you know it's best to part ways and move on because there's not a lot you can compromise on in this situation to find a solution.

14. When would you like to have children?

If they would like to have children, there are some things you may want to take into consideration regarding timing. Where are you and your partner in life, economically speaking? Is there an age difference between you that you may want to keep in mind when you think about the right time to have kids? These factors, among others, are important to keep in mind when deciding when you want to have kids.

15. Do you let your parents judge your partners?

The answer to this question may greatly affect your relationship. If your partner lets your parents judge their partners, they are likely influenced by their parents' opinion of you and their opinion in many other aspects of their life. They may be someone who doesn't set boundaries with their parents, which you probably want to avoid.

16. What is something you can't tolerate in a relationship?

You should know the answer to this question if you hope to have a successful relationship with your partner. This way, you can avoid doing the things that upset your partner within reason. You'll also understand when they get mad at you and handle the situation better.

17. What is your dream job?

This can indicate whether or not they are at their dream job, and what it means for the relationship if they're not yet at their dream job. Would it mean having to do long distance? Would it mean having to relocate? It will also say a lot about their ambition and how hard they try when they really want something, affecting other aspects of their lives.

18. Would you consider yourself a good person?

You wouldn't want to build a relationship with someone who thinks they are a bad person. There are two reasons for this, the first one being that they really aren't a good person, and you don't want that for yourself, and the second one being that if they are not a bad person, but they think they are, they might lack confidence. Lacking confidence is not good because they will probably present unwanted insecurities in the relationship.

19. What is your favorite weekend activity?

You should ask this question because it's likely what you'll find yourself doing some weekends. Knowing what these activities allow you to prepare accordingly for them. Although it might not be something that interests you, you should still try to participate in the activity every so often so you can have quality time with your partner doing something they really enjoy.

20. Do you have any large debt?

If your partner has a lot of debt, this will affect you economically if you share finances and emotionally if this is a burden your partner carries because you will notice they aren't very happy, they are probably stressed most of the time, and they're kind of stuck in life financially, which might cause feelings of stress for you as well.

21. Would you travel for work without me?

Unfortunately, it's not always possible to bring your partner during work trips, so you may wonder if they would go without you. They likely have to go on the trip regardless if you go or not, it's probably not up to them, and it's certainly not up to you.

It doesn't really mean one thing or another if they travel for work without you, so don't be too concerned about the answer to this question, it's just good to know so you can prepare to be alone for a few days, whatever that may entail.

22. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

If you want a future with this person, it would be good to know where they would like to live. Although this might be a hypothetical question because their job doesn't allow them to move right now, it's good to know the place they have in mind as a 'dream place to live because you may very well end up there someday.

23. What's your family like?

Knowing what their family is like prepares you for when you meet them, so you know what to expect. It can also give you insight into how your partner grew up, what their home life was like, what values were instilled to them from a young age, and if those are still present today.

24. Do you have any pet peeves?

Being aware of what annoys your partner is great so that you don't do these things. Perhaps you aren't conscious that you tend to do some of the things that bother your partner. Some common ones are chewing or drinking loudly, walking very slowly, always being late, etc.

25. What is your love language?

There are five love languages: Acts of service, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation. Knowing which of these is your partner's love language is very important so that you are making them feel loved within the relationship. Your love language may not be theirs, so by doing something you like that they do, you might not be fulfilling their needs.

26. Are family or friends more important to you?

Talking about this is important because it will let you know which they value more and why. It could tell you that they aren't family people or that they're simply not close to those who are supposed to be their family but instead, they have chosen family. This will allow you to understand them better.

27. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Knowing if they believe in love at first sight, can say a lot about how quickly they fall in love, how seriously they take being in love, and how this affects your relationship with your partner.

28. Do you believe in soulmates?

This isn't something that will make or break your relationship, but it is interesting to know if your partner believes in soulmates and what they believe about it. Some people think you can have several soulmates in a single lifetime, while others disagree.

If they do believe in soulmates, you'll want to follow up by asking if they think you are their soulmate because if you're not, then you may want to reconsider being with them.

29. What is a relationship dealbreaker?

Knowing your partner's dealbreakers is important, so you know what they expect of you in the relationship. You should be yourself and remain authentic no matter what. If you happen to not meet what they are looking for, it's better to know rather than keep trying to make something grow when it just won't be able to.

30. Would you rather be honest and hurt someone's feelings or lie to protect them?

This will tell you how they would handle a situation where they are presented with the choice to be honest or lie. This will also let you know how much you can trust them, depending on their answer.

31. Do you believe in second chances?

It's good to know if your partner believes in second chances in case you make a mistake. Of course, the idea is to be the best you can be in the relationship, but nobody is perfect, and knowing if they'll forgive you and give you a second chance can take a huge weight off your shoulders.

32. What is your biggest fear?

Knowing their biggest fear can be useful, so you help them avoid whatever they are afraid of. For example, if they happen to be scared of clowns, you wouldn't want to suggest going to the circus because it could be very scary for your partner. It could also provide them an opportunity to face their fears with you by their side, showing support.

33. Do you forgive easily?

Like asking if they believe in second chances, asking if they forgive easily is beneficial if you are ever in a situation where you are asking for their forgiveness. If they don't forgive easily, you will know to be patient if you ever make a mistake, eventually, they'll come around.

34. What do you complain the most about?

This is a good question to ask, so you're not surprised when you hear them complain about that thing frequently. It's also good to know if they're aware of their complaints because some people don't realize when they complain, how often they're complaining, and the negativity they bring to those around them.

35. How would your friends describe you?

The way their friends describe them can say a lot about them. They're probably some of the people who know your partner best, and it would be very positive for them to have nice things to say about your partner. You probably don't want to be with someone whose friends don't have anything nice to say about them.

36. When you're having a bad day, do you like being alone or with someone?

You should ask this question early on in the relationship because you never know when your partner might have a bad day, and it would be good for you to know how to act around them when it does happen. If they need space, let them have space, and if they prefer to be with someone, offer your presence and support. Knowing their preference will allow you to be there for them in the best way possible.

37. Would you relocate for love?

There are several reasons you might have to relocate, be it a job, a family matter, or maybe your financial situation. Whatever the reason, it's important to know if your partner would be willing to relocate if it meant getting to be with you and continuing to have a relationship.

38. Do you care more about inner or outer beauty?

This says a lot about a person. It will tell you if they are someone who cares more about how something looks or the way something is, not just when it comes to you or other people they have been with. This translates into other things in life, such as if they rather have the most efficient car or the prettiest car, for example. Knowing if they care more about inner or outer beauty can be very valuable information.

39. Is flirting cheating?

This can be a very controversial question to ask your partner, but knowing the answer could set a standard for what is expected in the relationship. Making it clear what you both think about the topic will help you avoid future fights or problems in the relationship.

Wrapping it up

Asking your partner these questions is a great way to get to know them better. Some of them might lead to more in-depth conversations or possibly even arguments, but many of the questions mentioned above are important to discuss. After all, it's better to know the answer to many of these questions early on than when you've caught too many feelings for them because it will make it harder to part ways.